One of the things I've noticed about many believers is that they live defeated lives. They carry a burden of shame on their shoulders and are stuck in a "sin-confess-sin-confess" cycle that seems impossible to get out of. They don't have dreams and goals because the enemy has convinced them that they're incapable of doing what others have done. When they go to church, they are convinced the message is for others, not them, because they're somehow interminably flawed.
My friend, that's a lie from the pit of hell. Don't believe it, even for a minute. Here's some practical advice for at least starting on a new path.
1) Rather than tell yourself you have no self-control, speak the truth: "I AM controlled by the Holy Spirit, so I WILL follow and obey His promptings right NOW."
2) Rather than say, "Things will never change," speak the truth. "God has a hope and a future for me. All the demons in Hell can't change that. I WILL proceed in confidence, by faith."
3) Rather than say, "I will never know God in an intimate way," speak the truth. "The Father IS crazy in love with me. I just need to accept that and reciprocate."
4) Rather than say, "I will never have a better job," speak the truth. "ALL work is divine. All of it is a gift from God. I will glorify God in whatever I do and trust Him to lead me to what's next."
5) Rather than say, "I will never be married," speak the truth. "I will be the best version of me that I can possibly be and always treat others with respect and grace. Then, when God leads someone my way, I'll be fully equipped to love them well."
6) Rather than say, "I'm a terrible parent," speak the truth. "Like all other parents, I'm learning, and God is graciously willing to teach me all that I need to know. I'm not a terrible parent; I'm a loving parent who is always learning."
7) Rather than say, "I can never get over the hurt in my life," speak the truth. "ALL things are possible through Christ. I will yield to His restorative work on my own woundedness. He WILL make all things new."
8) Rather than say, "No one will ever understand me," speak the truth. "God understands me and accepts me BEFORE I start my self-improvement program. I will lean into Him, pray for wisdom, then become an others-focused person. That will be enough. ALL the rest will work itself out."
9) Rather than say, "I can never forgive," speak the truth. "Forgiveness is a choice, not an emotion. I can CHOOSE not to hurt back. I can pray for those who've hurt me. I can let go of the bag of bitterness, and I WILL! It's too great a load to carry. I WILL be emotionally whole."
10) Rather than say, "This world is hopeless," speak the truth. "Where there's Christ, there's ALWAYS hope. His power hasn't diminished. My attitude has.
I will ask Him to infuse me with joy through the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:13) and I will do my best to bless others. In that way, I can bless the world."
My friend, please crawl out from beneath the rock of shame. Please exit the dungeon of defeat. The door isn't locked. It swings open by faith. Please receive all that God has for you. Please ask for the fulness of His Spirit, then "act as if" you have it. You can do and be anything that God wills for you to do and be. I can assure you, the sky's the limit.
Stop giving the enemy things to cheer about. Do the things listed above and the angels in the grandstands of Heaven will erupt in spontaneous applause! The battle's never over, friend, unless you quit.
You have three choices, really. 1) Run, 2) Live in denial and defeat, or 3) Stand and fight. I recommend #3. Put on ALL the armor of God (Ephesians 6). It's time we all walk out our destiny in Christ. It's a wonderful journey. Truly it is. This is the advice I gave myself many years ago. It changed me. It will change you...because this IS the truth.